Saturday, January 30, 2010


She declares,she shouts it out I LOVE BEIN' A GIRL!LOVE,LOVE,LOVE BEING A GIRL!

Criticisms masked as compliments( did you lose some weight?!),suppression doled out as advice..

no one telling you that the plush of your body,the place
between your legs, is of VALUE and IS connected to your soul,to your spirit and your connection to

this magic,this realm this Universe of love and possibility.That your womb,in fact is this.Not to carelessly give it away

or hate its look or mask its smell and bleeding.I was taught not to cry (stop crying,now) I was taught my self and my music

were too intense,my feelings mistaken,I was taught the more you can carry the stronger you are the better you are.And I could carry a lot--until I couldn't.

My middle name is Eve and for a woman like my mother who had a reason for everything,who hated religion,when I asked her as

an adult:why that name?She didn't know.The FIRST woman,they say.And she couldn't say why.

I love my name and will not be implanted with self-hatred.I can carry a 200 lb man with the strength of my legs and I can lift

again and I am strong again,and I will not equate muscle with masculinity.I will source not the male energy to push

myself,but the Boudicca,who can carry both a sword and a child ;I see now that I have been mistaken in this.I will not equate the bulk of my

strength with the heft and weight of mistaken self perception,of world perception that bulk is unwomanly that it is

male,that paradoxically is WEAKNESS and weakness of character.MY STRENGTH AND THE BODY IT MANIFESTS may be judged as this

infirmity of SIZE and I say f@8@k you,cuz I can lift it,cuz I can take it,cuz I can HEAL it and I can love,still,above

all.THIS is strength and this is fierce and this is brave and this is the essence--of life,of breath,of truly giving within

the danger of not receiving and the truth that I can love you and I can risk it because the SPIRIT that originates in the "girl ness" is a POWER.I am strong because I am vulnerable,because I choose to be,because compassion is the great winner over

brutality,and love is not pushing through it,but seeing,and pausing,and giving rest and credit where it's due..And "I" can hear this now because you had the strength before me to

(for Eve Ensler)

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